Ready

I'm ready for Kelly to go home. She has stayed for 3 nights and I feel like Ive gone backwards. I got all pissy with her because she was at my house and then went and played WOW for the night.



I'm getting frustrated with my dom but I'm not sure how to approach it. I know where I stand (she has a kid and she is taking care of her grandmother who is 88) and its at the bottom of the priority list....I'm sort of OK with that because Ive known for a while that shes a busy person. Now comes the frustration part - we've been talking for a little over a month now (my post was put up on cl on feb 8th) and in that time Ive met her once for little little less than an hour. Yup. A month and shes managed to squeeze me into her life for less than a hour. Granted its not for lack of trying (I will give her that). She has made plans with me twice that she has had to cancel either because of family issues or because her babysitter bailed out on her. Its still frustrating. I'm torn between wanting to tell her it has to happen soon and wanting to give her the space and time that I know she needs. I do have to say I have been so much better about dealing with my anticipation and frustration when I don't hear from her for hours at a time....which I think in some weird way shows either maturity or a new ability to guard my heart.

So that brings me to another fear - I'm kind of worried that I might start to fall for her. Ive always been a sucker for 1.) older women 2.) intelligence 3.) confidence and 4.) being in touch with their sexuality. This woman fits the bill on everything.

I got this message from her the other day:
"I want those images to be your last thought at night and your first in the morning. I want them to crowd your dreams and distract your days"
I said something here about what she said being poetic
"I believe that words, when used well, are very powerful. Really, its words that have drawn you in. Words that have held you...."

God damn how can you NOT fall for something like that....







I need to lose weight.

Sex sex and more sex

So I feel like Ive been hyper-sexual lately....

Kelly came over on Sunday and we pretty much spent the last 2 days fucking....

I dont want to get back together with her but it was so nice to have that comfort and that fun of sleeping with someone you know well....plus the dom/top/mistress that Ive been talking to has backed out of our first play session twice now.

Ive also been obsessed with Nina Hartley....I find her sooooo attractive. Shes incredibly smart and she likes dominating women.....shes the perfect bed mate.

Ok so I still cant believe that I posted an add for a dom.....I was so high when I did it that Im surprised my add even made sense. Im not saying that I hadn't thought about being dominated but I probably never would have posted an add if I weren't inebriated. Maybe its a good thing.

Wow its been a while....

So my life has been kind of crazy (whos hasnt tho right?) I guess Im just a little self absorbed like that (plus no one reads this but me anyway lol)

Lets recap....

Kelly has moved out completely. I revamped my apartment on my week vacation to remove any mark of hers that I could.

I am actually OK with being alone.

I have decided to conquer my fear of therapists and try and find one to talk to.

I decided to dabble in BDSM (yea it hasnt work out so far).

I got twittered my Nina Hartley - Yes I am obsessed.

I am still obsessed with the song Gravity (see previous post).

I quit the guild Hells Crusaders (WOW reference).