Ok so the two blogs I have on the right ----->
Are my blog obsessions.
Pick Me Up.
4 years ago
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
eczema
For as long as I can remember Ive had eczema (though its been in the last year that Ive been able to spell it). When I was a kid I remember getting it really bad on my inner arms and behind my knees - which sucked but I was able to cover it with pants and shirts. In the last 4 years or so it has decided to start on my face. yay for me right?
sometimes it looks like severely chapped lips but K has pretty much told me that sometimes it looks like herpes of the mouth. Ummm ewww. I definitely do NOT have herpes.
I had kinda learned to ignore it...and for the most part the customers that I deal with have never noticed (at least no one has said anything about it) until yesterday when I had a customer comment on it. Well that made me realize that I really need to do something about it. what? I dont know...but something.
I love the smell of seasons.
Although today smells like a very early cold spring day...not a late fall day. Maybe its the rain.
I love rainy days
Lately K has been worrying me. She keeps mentioning how she misses her sister. Thank goodness her sister probably called the cops on her .... so she doesn't dare call her.
Im still undecided if I want to stay with K. She announced to me yesterday that if I did want her to leave...her friend Chris called...and said K could move in with her. I dont know.
sometimes it looks like severely chapped lips but K has pretty much told me that sometimes it looks like herpes of the mouth. Ummm ewww. I definitely do NOT have herpes.
I had kinda learned to ignore it...and for the most part the customers that I deal with have never noticed (at least no one has said anything about it) until yesterday when I had a customer comment on it. Well that made me realize that I really need to do something about it. what? I dont know...but something.
I love the smell of seasons.
Although today smells like a very early cold spring day...not a late fall day. Maybe its the rain.
I love rainy days
Lately K has been worrying me. She keeps mentioning how she misses her sister. Thank goodness her sister probably called the cops on her .... so she doesn't dare call her.
Im still undecided if I want to stay with K. She announced to me yesterday that if I did want her to leave...her friend Chris called...and said K could move in with her. I dont know.
Monday, October 27, 2008
treading water
Sometimes I feel like Im treading water.
I dont know if Im supposed to be here - at work, at home, at life.
I feel like I should be somewhere else...with someone else....living a better life than I have.
Ive been really feeling it for the last 2 weeks or so.
K and I have been fighting. She says Ive changed. I say I have too. But what can you do?
Im stuck.
At work - I cant afford the pay cut I would take if I switched to a job I loved. Im restless.
At home - I dont know if I want to be with K anymore. Shes always sick, always hurting, never working....I cant support the both of us for the rest of my life. I wont do it. Im only 25.
Sometimes it feels so overwhelming that I want to cry. And sometimes I feel content. And sometimes I feel happy.
I think this last injury has really put me over the edge.
K fell last sunday getting out of the shower. We were getting ready to go to King Richards Faire in Carver...and I woke her up to get ready. Then when she was getting out of the shower she fell (because she was so messed up on her bi-polar sleeping medication). It knocked the wind out of her...and probably cracked a few ribs. Shes been laid up ever since.
When I met K...she had a broken foot. She milked that for all it was worth. Then she was having bad headaches....which was because of disc deneration and bone spurs in her neck. Now cracked ribs. Shes never fixed and whole.
If she did leave:
who would look after the puppy?
how would I pay rent? (she gets a monthly check that does help out a little bit)
would I be happier?
what if I miss her?
would I be making a mistake?
would I ever find real love again? (cause I know she does love me)
I dont know if Im supposed to be here - at work, at home, at life.
I feel like I should be somewhere else...with someone else....living a better life than I have.
Ive been really feeling it for the last 2 weeks or so.
K and I have been fighting. She says Ive changed. I say I have too. But what can you do?
Im stuck.
At work - I cant afford the pay cut I would take if I switched to a job I loved. Im restless.
At home - I dont know if I want to be with K anymore. Shes always sick, always hurting, never working....I cant support the both of us for the rest of my life. I wont do it. Im only 25.
Sometimes it feels so overwhelming that I want to cry. And sometimes I feel content. And sometimes I feel happy.
I think this last injury has really put me over the edge.
K fell last sunday getting out of the shower. We were getting ready to go to King Richards Faire in Carver...and I woke her up to get ready. Then when she was getting out of the shower she fell (because she was so messed up on her bi-polar sleeping medication). It knocked the wind out of her...and probably cracked a few ribs. Shes been laid up ever since.
When I met K...she had a broken foot. She milked that for all it was worth. Then she was having bad headaches....which was because of disc deneration and bone spurs in her neck. Now cracked ribs. Shes never fixed and whole.
If she did leave:
who would look after the puppy?
how would I pay rent? (she gets a monthly check that does help out a little bit)
would I be happier?
what if I miss her?
would I be making a mistake?
would I ever find real love again? (cause I know she does love me)
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Halloween
So yes... this is how much of a loser I am. I spent a whole night just carving my pumpkin....into a spider. Which is ironic because we are constantly killing spiders at my house...so K asked me why I wanted to turn my pumpkin into another one.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
seriously jaded
Ok so the longer I work in retail....the more I hate people. Pretty much all people. Isnt that sad?
It has created in me some very interesting pet peeves:
Please learn to speak english. I dont speak another language....so yelling at me in a language I dont understand dosent help you or me.
On that same note - why yell at me? I didnt create the policy's....I just get to keep my job by following them. Yelling at me just makes me hate my job, you, and all of humanity. Plus it ruins your day - unless you like yelling....
A manufactures warranty does NOT cover YOUR stupidity. Its not the manufactures fault that you dropped your cell phone in the toilet.
Listen. Im not just speaking to you because I like the sound of my own voice. I am trying to convey information to you. Please dont make me repeat myself ten times.
I work on commission. I am not here to walk you through every aspect of your phone - they come with a manual for a reason.
I cannot let you out of your two year contract. Even if you tell me that you will sue me. We have a multi-million dollar law team who works solely to ensure we do not break any laws.
If you come in and give me attitude I will be the most unhelpful person in the world. Be nice.
I dont care if you ARE married to the account holder. If your name isnt on the account I cant do anything for you. I mean who knows...you could be in the middle of a messy divorce and just want to mess with your husbands/wifes account.
No I cannot waive your activation fees, upgrade fees, phone fees, or anything else.
No you dont get a free car charger/case/earpiece just because youve been a customer since 1763 (which btw we have not been around that long....so dont tell me youve been a customer for 20+ yrs).
If you do not pay your bill we will shut off your service. period.
It has created in me some very interesting pet peeves:
Please learn to speak english. I dont speak another language....so yelling at me in a language I dont understand dosent help you or me.
On that same note - why yell at me? I didnt create the policy's....I just get to keep my job by following them. Yelling at me just makes me hate my job, you, and all of humanity. Plus it ruins your day - unless you like yelling....
A manufactures warranty does NOT cover YOUR stupidity. Its not the manufactures fault that you dropped your cell phone in the toilet.
Listen. Im not just speaking to you because I like the sound of my own voice. I am trying to convey information to you. Please dont make me repeat myself ten times.
I work on commission. I am not here to walk you through every aspect of your phone - they come with a manual for a reason.
I cannot let you out of your two year contract. Even if you tell me that you will sue me. We have a multi-million dollar law team who works solely to ensure we do not break any laws.
If you come in and give me attitude I will be the most unhelpful person in the world. Be nice.
I dont care if you ARE married to the account holder. If your name isnt on the account I cant do anything for you. I mean who knows...you could be in the middle of a messy divorce and just want to mess with your husbands/wifes account.
No I cannot waive your activation fees, upgrade fees, phone fees, or anything else.
No you dont get a free car charger/case/earpiece just because youve been a customer since 1763 (which btw we have not been around that long....so dont tell me youve been a customer for 20+ yrs).
If you do not pay your bill we will shut off your service. period.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I wish it came that easy
Do you ever have a fight that you know you won? The other person may never say it but you know you won. Everything you said was just right and the way you ended it (on your terms) was perfect. I had that last night.
K and I have been fighting about money. She complains that nothing of hers is getting paid...I tell her that shes expensive and that we are doing our best. She complains still. So I told her fine that we will split everything from now on and everything she gets from her check she can go spend in whatever way she wants and Ill take my left over money and spend it the way I want.
----little back story on this-----
before we went away on vacation I mentioned that I had saved $600 out of my big comission check to put towards a new tv. Ive had tv envy lately and I feel the severe need to fix this. So we were on the way to ptown when she hits me with..."well since we're putting all our money together I think we should put that $600 towards paying off my bank". Ummm ok. Another small piece of history for you. When K was with one of her ex's she started writing bad checks to places in order to get money for drugs. She owes a banking institution around $600 because of this. Now maybe Im being selfish...or maybe stubborn because of all the money Ive already paid towards her drug habbit....but I dont feel as if I should have to take money that I worked really hard for and pay back a drug habit I never had. Needless to say our vacation was ruined because I told her no. She was pissy the whole time and so was I.
So weve been fighting since then about money. I cant trust her with money. Everytime she gets money in her pocket she does drugs. Every time she comes crawling back to me she promises me she will never do it again, never fight with me about money again, never give me a hard time about not trusting me, and yet here we are - back in the cycle. Im tired. Tired of the fighting, tired of the checking up on her, tired of the lies, the anger, the hurt, the pain, tired of being uncomfortable at home when shes mad, tired, tired, tired, tired.
Last night I got home and we hadnt spoken all day. I went into the bathroom when I got home and soaked my feet in the tub. It relaxes me usually and my feet hurt from standing for 10 hours. I got out of the bathroom and K was sitting in front of the tv in the living room (where I might add...she spends ALL day EVERY day). So I took a sleeping pill (that I bought on my ride home....which took twice the time it usually did because I was trying to stall going home) and read an amazing blog that I found (Ill post the link later). So K come into the doorway and says that I can go into the living room if I want and she will come into the bedroom. I tell her (in a monotone voice) no thanks Im fine where I am. She says who are you texting (I was reading the blog on my new iphone) I say no one. She dosent believe me. She yells backs at me from the hallway to the living room - I hope that whoever your texting is worth it. Whatever Im done. Im tired.
She comes in a few more times and talks about splitting up. I keep telling her I just dont care. Im to the point where I JUST DONT CARE! I almost want to scream it at her. I want to cry. I dont. I keep my voice very monotone. She says she dosent trust me to give her money if she wants to leave. I tell her I dont trust her with money period. Finally she said she wants money tonight. Fine. I leave and go to the bank. When I was leaving she was picking at me again. Right before I left we started bickering back and forth and somehow it came out that she said....so what do you want me to leave? And I said no I want you to change and I closed the door. It just felt right. Like Id ended it the way I wanted to. ya know? I take the $200 out of my main account that was supposed to sustain me for the week till friday. I bring it back and place it on the kitchen table and go back to my sanctuary. My bedroom.
2 hours go by and that sleeping pill dosent hit. I manage to take a trip to the kitchen to get the rest of the pills and take one more. I read till my eyes close and then manage to crawl out of bed long enough to plug my phone in.
Its the weirdest feeling. Im restless but moving is an effort....Im concious of my surroundings but still seems exhausted...my mind is running but Im almost asleep.
Then K come in and shuts off the light and turns on the ac. Im too cold for that. I pull myself up and shut off the ac. The dark is oppressive. I fall back asleep.
Time goes by
K come in and gets into bed with me and snuggles up to me. I know Ive won. In that instant I knew I had won. That is her way of apologizing. It took almost 2 days.
K and I have been fighting about money. She complains that nothing of hers is getting paid...I tell her that shes expensive and that we are doing our best. She complains still. So I told her fine that we will split everything from now on and everything she gets from her check she can go spend in whatever way she wants and Ill take my left over money and spend it the way I want.
----little back story on this-----
before we went away on vacation I mentioned that I had saved $600 out of my big comission check to put towards a new tv. Ive had tv envy lately and I feel the severe need to fix this. So we were on the way to ptown when she hits me with..."well since we're putting all our money together I think we should put that $600 towards paying off my bank". Ummm ok. Another small piece of history for you. When K was with one of her ex's she started writing bad checks to places in order to get money for drugs. She owes a banking institution around $600 because of this. Now maybe Im being selfish...or maybe stubborn because of all the money Ive already paid towards her drug habbit....but I dont feel as if I should have to take money that I worked really hard for and pay back a drug habit I never had. Needless to say our vacation was ruined because I told her no. She was pissy the whole time and so was I.
So weve been fighting since then about money. I cant trust her with money. Everytime she gets money in her pocket she does drugs. Every time she comes crawling back to me she promises me she will never do it again, never fight with me about money again, never give me a hard time about not trusting me, and yet here we are - back in the cycle. Im tired. Tired of the fighting, tired of the checking up on her, tired of the lies, the anger, the hurt, the pain, tired of being uncomfortable at home when shes mad, tired, tired, tired, tired.
Last night I got home and we hadnt spoken all day. I went into the bathroom when I got home and soaked my feet in the tub. It relaxes me usually and my feet hurt from standing for 10 hours. I got out of the bathroom and K was sitting in front of the tv in the living room (where I might add...she spends ALL day EVERY day). So I took a sleeping pill (that I bought on my ride home....which took twice the time it usually did because I was trying to stall going home) and read an amazing blog that I found (Ill post the link later). So K come into the doorway and says that I can go into the living room if I want and she will come into the bedroom. I tell her (in a monotone voice) no thanks Im fine where I am. She says who are you texting (I was reading the blog on my new iphone) I say no one. She dosent believe me. She yells backs at me from the hallway to the living room - I hope that whoever your texting is worth it. Whatever Im done. Im tired.
She comes in a few more times and talks about splitting up. I keep telling her I just dont care. Im to the point where I JUST DONT CARE! I almost want to scream it at her. I want to cry. I dont. I keep my voice very monotone. She says she dosent trust me to give her money if she wants to leave. I tell her I dont trust her with money period. Finally she said she wants money tonight. Fine. I leave and go to the bank. When I was leaving she was picking at me again. Right before I left we started bickering back and forth and somehow it came out that she said....so what do you want me to leave? And I said no I want you to change and I closed the door. It just felt right. Like Id ended it the way I wanted to. ya know? I take the $200 out of my main account that was supposed to sustain me for the week till friday. I bring it back and place it on the kitchen table and go back to my sanctuary. My bedroom.
2 hours go by and that sleeping pill dosent hit. I manage to take a trip to the kitchen to get the rest of the pills and take one more. I read till my eyes close and then manage to crawl out of bed long enough to plug my phone in.
Its the weirdest feeling. Im restless but moving is an effort....Im concious of my surroundings but still seems exhausted...my mind is running but Im almost asleep.
Then K come in and shuts off the light and turns on the ac. Im too cold for that. I pull myself up and shut off the ac. The dark is oppressive. I fall back asleep.
Time goes by
K come in and gets into bed with me and snuggles up to me. I know Ive won. In that instant I knew I had won. That is her way of apologizing. It took almost 2 days.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Provincetown
So I booked my vacation to p-town!
Im now waiting on pins and needles till the second weekend in sept. Why that date u may ask? Because Im cheap (yes thats the asian side of me) and thats when the fall rates for p-town start.
I booked my stay at http://www.bradfordcarver.com/ Its a great place. Right up the street from Spiritus Pizza (which is undoubtedly the best pizza in the world) and about a 3 min walk to EVERYTHING. Its a really cute place...the room we get has a fireplace and is up a winding staircase. I almost didnt book there again this year...I almost went with a place thats owned by 2 woman but I really liked this place and the other place was a 10 min walk to the center of town...so in the interest of being lazy I booked here.
Im so excited I cant wait to go!
Im now waiting on pins and needles till the second weekend in sept. Why that date u may ask? Because Im cheap (yes thats the asian side of me) and thats when the fall rates for p-town start.
I booked my stay at http://www.bradfordcarver.com/ Its a great place. Right up the street from Spiritus Pizza (which is undoubtedly the best pizza in the world) and about a 3 min walk to EVERYTHING. Its a really cute place...the room we get has a fireplace and is up a winding staircase. I almost didnt book there again this year...I almost went with a place thats owned by 2 woman but I really liked this place and the other place was a 10 min walk to the center of town...so in the interest of being lazy I booked here.
Im so excited I cant wait to go!
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