wow, insomnia, K, and misery

so those are the 4 things have have dominated my life lately.

wow - yes world of warcraft has become my life....probably because Im trying to escape from my own
insomnia - is a product of wow. I get home, sleep (so I dont have to deal with K), wake up around 9:30, play wow till 5am, sleep, work, rinse, and repeat.
K - I have been trying to figure out how to make her break up with me for over a month now. I have tried the being distant and cold thing and she just wont leave!
misery - is a product of trying to make K miserable I am making myself miserable. Awesome idea right? Im still too chicken shit to tell her I dont want to be with her. Hopefully she gets the damn hint soon!

I dont know whats the matter with me lately. Ive been mean to pretty much everyone. Im pretty sure that it has something to do with lack of sleep, work stress, and K stress. They completely cut our comission so if K leaves I dont know if Ill make rent. If K stays Im going to continue to be miserable. what a catch 22.

I dont know how to end it either. Everyone is telling me just to grow balls and tell her its over. I cant. I dont know why. I want her to leave me. I dont want the responsibility. I mean....what if its the wrong decision. If she leaves then I can still take her back....if I leave her then its really over.

Bear week - Ptown

So my friend B and I went to ptown for bear week (we only went the weekend)

Time to subject u to pictures!!!

Arriving In Ptown
(Pilgrim Monument)

Bear Weekend at the wave bar

At Vixen

(it was dead...but it was bear weekend)

At Ross' Grill

(great food btw - but our waitress sucked)

This morning K went to a friends house for a psychic reading and a party. I don't put much stock in psychics. This one told her that she would buy an island (k had talked about how cool it would be to own your own island so that you can make all the rules that you want), that k was going to work for the state, that she wants and would get a baby (not if I have anything to say about it), and that she and I have been rocky and that we would break up. Ok so out of all of those crazy things the only one that has any chance of coming true is that she and I would break up. Not us breaking up (again) would be a big shock to anyone.

Twitter

Ok so I found out that you can blog via text messages...thats dangerous.

I also found twitter. Im not sure how I feel about it yet but I figured since no one actaully reads my blog I can put my twitter page up there (and yes I AM following LiLo on twitter....)
http://twitter.com/torncreed

So after the best birthday party in the world I ended up with the worst cold. Ive been out of work for 5 days and Im finally back and ready-ish to work. I wish I could be independently rich and not have to work....sigh.

K called and begged to come home about an hour after the last post. The party was the best I've ever had and went until 1 am. Then I got sick the next day and I've had a bad cold since then. Being sick is the worst.

So k was throwing me a bday party today...but when I woke up she started a huge fight and left. Now I have to get ready for my own party by myself. I will never forgive her for this.

On the brain

Since Shawnda emailed me....Ive had her on the brain. I check my email constantly to see if shes emailed me back and I think about checking my email when Im not at work. I dont really want to talk to her or have any type of contact with her but I want to know why she wanted contact with me.

I know my relationship with Shawnda changed me in ways I probably cant even grasp. I guess I would say that I regret that relationship more than any other Ive ever had. I almost wish I could go back in time and erase that time from my past so that I could be the person I was before I met her. But alas you cant do that (at least not in the real world) so Im stuck with the memories and changes she inflicted on me.

All that being said...I dont understand why I want to hear from her.

Bizarre.