treading water

Sometimes I feel like Im treading water.

I dont know if Im supposed to be here - at work, at home, at life.

I feel like I should be somewhere else...with someone else....living a better life than I have.

Ive been really feeling it for the last 2 weeks or so.

K and I have been fighting. She says Ive changed. I say I have too. But what can you do?


Im stuck.

At work - I cant afford the pay cut I would take if I switched to a job I loved. Im restless.
At home - I dont know if I want to be with K anymore. Shes always sick, always hurting, never working....I cant support the both of us for the rest of my life. I wont do it. Im only 25.

Sometimes it feels so overwhelming that I want to cry. And sometimes I feel content. And sometimes I feel happy.

I think this last injury has really put me over the edge.
K fell last sunday getting out of the shower. We were getting ready to go to King Richards Faire in Carver...and I woke her up to get ready. Then when she was getting out of the shower she fell (because she was so messed up on her bi-polar sleeping medication). It knocked the wind out of her...and probably cracked a few ribs. Shes been laid up ever since.
When I met K...she had a broken foot. She milked that for all it was worth. Then she was having bad headaches....which was because of disc deneration and bone spurs in her neck. Now cracked ribs. Shes never fixed and whole.

If she did leave:
who would look after the puppy?
how would I pay rent? (she gets a monthly check that does help out a little bit)
would I be happier?
what if I miss her?
would I be making a mistake?
would I ever find real love again? (cause I know she does love me)