I had a dream....

Last night I had the weirdest dream...

I dreamt that Shawnda (my ex) and I moved out to Arizona. I hated it. I was lonely, I hated Shawnda, I was bored, and generally just miserable. I ended up moving home in the middle of the night and leaving Shawnda without telling her. I remember that I had to find a truck to move my bookcases and furniture and that somehow that ended up being a really big deal. Then after I moved I was with K.
My dream is fading quickly from my mind so Ill try and get the rest out of my head.
I remember I left K for JP (my ex before shawnda) and when I did it I was so happy. I told her I didn't want to be with her or have anything to do with her. All I remember was the feeling of relief and elation I had when I left her to be with JP. That great feeling lasted till that night when I remember crying and missing her so bad I wanted to die. When I missed her...I felt like I would have given up my heart, my soul, or my life to be with her again.
This dream has left me perplexed.