I feel like my heart is being torn from my chest

but at the same time I almost feel like its the best thing for me.



at least thats how I feel in this 15 min stretch...ask me again in 15 min and I will probably have a different opinion.



So she left....and I think shes actually staying away this time.



She did drugs last night. big shock.



I miss her...but not like I used to. I dont feel like I will die without her. I know I can make it on my own. I havent really even cried about this yet. I dont know if its because I think shes going to come back or if Im really done with our relationship.



I cant be with a drug addict. Even though I love her I have to know when to walk away for me.



I tried though. Damn it if I didn't try.



For a year and a half:

I picked her up when she fell

I rescued her

I fed her

I helped her get on medication for bipolar

I sat in countless emergency rooms till all hours of the morning

I paid for medications

I got up and went to work every day while she sat at home

I missed her when I wasn't with her

I listened to her cry, laugh, and complain

I stayed when she took out anger and frustration on me

I stayed

I blew off friends and family every time she needed me

I hated people for taking advantage of her

I never took advantage of her

and most of all

I loved her no matter what she did



I dont feel like I wasted time but I feel this odd sense of sadness and finality.



I slept at my apartment by myself last night...and I wasnt afraid. I had the puppy - my big bad attack dog.